...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
