hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
