don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
