They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
