i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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