I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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