i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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