she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
