Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you bring me the toilet please
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
