They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
