So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
