do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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