I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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