Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
