I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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