the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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