there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
