I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did I show you my penis last night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
