hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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