Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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