He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
