Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
