he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
