LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize