his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
