did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
