Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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