you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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