capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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