We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
