Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
