i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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