you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
