remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
