Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
