Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
