smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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