someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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