Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
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