we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
