Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
