Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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