I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
