Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
