1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
