I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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