i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
