You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
