at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
