Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
