Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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