Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize