Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
