I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
