I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
