Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
