My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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