I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
