I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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