Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
