I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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